It’s been a long time since Nicole or I used this space to write an actual blog. Instead of pummeling my Facebook with an extraordinarily long post, I decided to leave it here, with you all. So…here are my thoughts:
Few things feel so intrinsically rewarding as that of becoming who you were meant to be. Its an overused and perhaps tired analogy, but one that’s so fitting: the metamorphosis of the caterpillar.
At one end the caterpillar, at the other the butterfly. The same entity at its core, but in other ways almost entirely different creatures.
The change and growth that occurs for a caterpillar to become a butterfly is a process that takes time. Its one that doesn’t have a set timeline, and for some caterpillars it takes longer than others. Its painful. Its bloody. Its exhausting. It takes strength and it also BUILDS strength. You see, the butterfly needs to struggle to get out of its cocoon; to push the fluid from its body and into its little wings in order to make them strong enough to carry her/him. Without this struggle the butterfly’s wings never properly develop, they are unable to fly, and ultimately perish.
Just like butterflies, we go through these kinds of life-altering changes. Not all will make it through to the other side. But those that do…that successfully shed their skin and reveal their true form, wind up with some of the most beautiful souls.
I’ve felt this sort of change as of late.
With my recent separation from my husband there have been many changes, both inwardly and outwardly. I was unhappy for some time before the split, and had started to become a shell of the person that I was. Now looking back…this had been happening for longer than I would care to admit.
It’s been a roller coaster of a ride the last few months, and I’m well aware that it will continue to be. However…I finally feel as if I’ve hit an upswing, and I’m finally starting to feel like myself…only…better.
I feel as if some parts of me that became dormant for some time have been reawakened. I feel like I’m smiling bigger, loving harder, breathing in deeper. Slowly but surely, I’m tiptoeing my way back to not only who I was, but who I will be. Some sort of amalgamation of old and new. For the first time in a long time, I feel like me. I’m not even entirely sure what that means, but I know that I am becoming comfortable in my skin, and forging myself into a person that for the first in a long time…is happy.